Extra cream and sugar!

FACT: Casinos are noisy.

We’ve all been in one and get it. Give me a moment of your time and allow me to break down the noise contributors. Before I do this I recommend practicing some slow breathing, perhaps listen to soft music, and definitely take an excedrin.
Blaring throughout the casino (sans the poker room) is the fantastic array of music (occasionally accompanied by videos): classic rock, pop, classic pop, blues, country, hip hop, and even Christmas music.
Heavily sprinkled over the music, all 3000+ slot machines clank, as the arm is pulled and the reels spin and spin (Actually, you press a button instead of pulling an arm and the reels are on the touch-screen tablet now on the face of the slots.) Accompanied by the lulling sound of imaginary coins falling into the metal collection area (again, there are no actual coins: rather, there is a small voucher printed out with your 39 cent winnings). While we’re on these technologically advanced slots, add the old-school-video-game-music for sections of slots (ie jaws, monopoly, wizard of oz, etc).
Lightly layered over the slots is the typical hustle and bustle of the (mostly old) people complaining that their machine is broken or they need the bathroom AGAIN.

(stay with me, here)

Continuing the noise contributors, closer to my neck of the gambling woods, come the blackjack and poker players. In a feverish attempt to keep one’s cool while gambling away their children’s college funds and their grandchildren’s christmas money, felt-table players mindlessly stack and restack their chips.when the poker players habitually stack chips in a very full poker room  it sounds similar to a large meadow filled with crickets (or bugs or whatever those annoying creatures are that make noises when you’re trying to sleep).
While the wasted players are blankly staring at the cards on the table, the dealers are telling them what the cards add up to, what the play is, whether you’re a winner or loser, and often slipping in some sly jest that the dumb players don’t get.
And last, but not least, come those of us in sales: Beautiful girls walking around with trays yelling “Cocktails! Drinks! Soda! Coffee!.” The cigarette girl trudges along caring a huge box always filled with “Cigarettes! Cigars! Candy!” And the icing on the cake: me! “MASSAGES! Anybody care for a massage? Massage for anyone? Massage?!”

A player yells “Yea! Over here!” I struggle to identify where the voice came from over all the noises I just described to you. So with a big smile I walk over and “Hi. Massage?”
PLAYER: “I’ll take a coffee with extra cream and sugar.”
Me: Sigh. “Sorry I don’t give coffee, but I can give you a massage with extra sugar but no cream.”

Typically the people who call me over for drinks are the old people, so they get a little rise out of that. 🙂

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Spencer
    Dec 19, 2011 @ 17:59:02

    This is fantastic. I should come by some night and try my hand at a video slot machine. maybe I will get a ticket print out of 39 cents. 😀

    Reply

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