Mirena Five Minutes of Pain for Five years of Wonder

Warning: This blog entry contains some explicit words and probably stuff my family does not care to read about. This is mostly geared toward women who have an interest in birth control –who may or may not be in Korea.

Size of Mirena (photo from Mirena.com)

In 2010 I went into my local Planned Parenthood and inquired about a new form of birth control. I had been on Nuvaring for about 6 years and was content, but it was getting expensive without insurance. So, a nurse-lady (Who was not my regular nurse) suggested an IUD. After a bit of research I decided to get Mirena. It was going to cost me about $700 not including the insertion. So I paid some monthly payments and I went in for my appointment. As I got onto the table, my regular nurse came in and did a quick consultation. “Shannon, this was a surprising move. You have always complained about heavy periods and cramps. Paraguard isn’t going to help it.” Paraguard? Noooo, I’ve been paying for Mirena. “Well, we have Paraguard here for you.” Noooooooo. I don’t want that one! So the appointment got cancelled and I got a refund. My nurse suggested Mirena, but by then I was dissuaded. I went back to Nuvaring at $30USD per month. I came to Korea in September 2013 with a year supply of Nuva ring. But somehow I ran short of that year and ended up getting convinced by a friend that I should ‘go natural.’ It wasn’t like I was having sex anyway. I may as well let my body do it’s thing.

P.A. (the friend) said that when she got off birth control, her skin cleared up, she lost weight, and she felt more alive then she ever did while on birth control. Her body was a bit whack at first, but everything went back to normal after a few months. So I decided to give it a try. I weighed in at about 145-150lbs at that time (June 2014). My body was not reacting the way it was supposed to. My skin was breaking out in places it should never break out. I gained another 10-15lbs. My period was showing up every 30-45 days. When you expect it on the 1st and it comes on the 7th, that is some seriously emotional freaking out. Now imagine that every month.. a week or so later than expected. It was heavy, it was light, it was starting, it was stopping. It was unpredictable and I do not approve of that.

I moved to Seoul late 2014, early 2015. I inquired about IUD and so many people had them!! I knew it was time. I needed to save some money and get my health insurance.

I got an appointment with MizMedi in Gangnam. I had a pap with Dr. Seo and discussed Mirena. He said, “Okay! No problem. After your next menstrual cycle, make an appointment immediately and we will have it done.”

So I did it on a Saturday. I waited in the waiting room for a few minutes and consulted with Dr. Seo one last time for about 3 minutes and went into the room. He said it would hurt a bit. I anticipated it…but I did NOT expect it to be THAT FUCKING PAINFUL. JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON HELL IN A BASKET OF CUNTBALLS!!!
“Four letter words are okay here, Shannon” OUCH!!! “yes that is a four letter word.” SON OF A BITCH. “That is about 10 letters, but still okay.”
They insert this thing into your uterus. You know that good feeling when you’re having sex? It’s not that. It’s the painful version of that. It was like a vampire dildo bit my insides. It was like having a piranha going at it on my uterus. It was like Satan himself unleashed Scylla and Charybdis into my precious parts and let them do their thing.

“Relax, Shannon. Five minutes of pain for five years of wonder.” “”WONDER??” “No, wrong word. Five years of no babies.”

……and then it was over. He used a magic sonogram wand to make sure it was in the right place and THEN it was over. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life. He said, “There maybe cramps and spotting in the next couple of days. See me when you are dressed.”
After he walked out, I got up to get dressed and saw a ghost. It was my face in the mirror. I was pale as I’ve ever been. I was surprised I hadn’t passed out. I saw Dr. Seo and he said to take some medicine, and if there were any problems, to come see him. They let me stay in a spare room for a bit while I rested. I don’t know if it was the alcohol the night before and not eating that morning, or if it was the extreme situation I had just gone through, but I sat on the toilet for about 30 minutes (sorry, graphic mental image, but I felt it was necessary).

Then I passed out on the bed for about an hour. I finally got up and paid for the appointment. The entire bill was just under 300,000won (~$275USD).

I went home around 2pm, showered and fell asleep. I felt like I was having a really really bad period day. A dull prolonged cramp and I was exhausted. I did go out the night before so I probably was a bit tired from that. I couldn’t stay awake though and ended up waking up and going back to sleep every hour or two until about 8:30pm. Then I treated myself to a bag of Mint Milano cookies and watched Scandal.

It is now 2 days later. I have been spotting lightly still and now and then feel a very very dull cramp – – as if I wasn’t sure if I were on my period or not.

But the doc is right. 5 minutes of pain for 5 years of birth control. I look forward to minimal to no periods, clearer skin, and losing a few pounds.

Update to come in a few months.

And for those who endured the entire entry:
Menstrual cycles suck. Period. (ha!!)

Halloween Stories written by TEFL students

All of my classes have to write an essay each month as required by my school. The younger students have to write a minimum of 100 and the older students write between 200-300+ depending upon the class levels. This month I gave my students the essay topic ‘Write a scary story’ ((The younger students wrote about their halloween costumes)). The purpose of the scary story essays was to get their creative juices flowing. Also, I wanted the students to get used to using descriptive words to make their stories more interesting. I’m not going to write or post each essay on here but I want to give you all an idea of the different story ideas they came up with.

Lucy F – A prince and princess want to secretly meet at an abandoned house. They are looking for each other when a male ghost arrives. He kills the princess before she can get to her prince and eats her flesh. Then he stalks the prince, falls in love with him, kills him and marries the Prince’s ghost. (((A gay ghost story?! Brilliant)))

Alex S – The story starts out with a brilliant description of a haunted house (“the steam from the pot looked like the breath of the Devil”) when two ‘creatures’ come to life from said pot. They are ‘Limon’ and “Strawkenstein”. Basically, they’re halloween candies (lemon and strawberry, respectively) who get put into pumpkin jail. Then are given to ‘two bloody ghosts’ as treats who then eat the candies and ‘the worst part is… the ghosts smiled when the candies screamed to their deaths’ ! Brilliant! Candy’s perspective of halloween.

Fred M – Astronauts find a person who can live on the moon without a spacesuit… until they realize it’s a goblin. 😛

Chris S – A boy gets lost in the woods looking for his dog. He comes across a ghost who is known to eat humans but can mimic any sound perfectly. So the boy tells him to sing like EXO (a korean boy band) and he does. So the boy captures the ghost and makes him audition for SuperStar K (american idol of korea). The ghost sings so well that he wins the contest and becomes famous. He earned a billion won and since he’s a ghost he can’t spend the money. So the boy gets it and becomes rich. ((((aka – a scary agent story)))) **fun fact, this kid wrote nasty stuff in Korean on the desk about me and is now in a lot of trouble with the school **

Sally M – A time traveling father-and-son-duo do just that. They find a time machine space ship and enter a room where they find Queen Elizabeth I. Robots are trying to steal her brain for their spaceship so they can control everyone in the UK. Father and Elizabeth fall in love. Father goes back to get his jacket from another room, but upon returning to the Queen’s room, she’s already long dead because that’s how time travel works. ((So original, but not scary))

Sarah j – A lonely girl is at an overnight stay at school. She goes to the bathroom and encounters a ghost. She can only see the ghost because the girl is so lonely. The ghost asks her to be friends. She goes back to the main area with her peers because her only friend is a ghost. Then her school peers take her to the roof and push her off. She dies and becomes a ghost with the other ghost.

Adam F – A guy goes into a haunted house and finds a ghost there. He leaves and thinks its a dream. So he goes back and finds a lot of money in the house and takes it. But when he goes outside again, he is now in a forest. And there are zombies trying to kill him. He runs out of the forest from the zombie and meets a devil. The devil tries to kill him so he runs back into the forest and finds a castle where the haunted house was. He goes in and sees a vampire. So he ends up being killed by a vampire, devil, and zombie.  (((A+ for vocabulary usage)))

Those are only a few of the many stories I received from my Korean students.

First Korean Massage!

The title is all wrong.

 

I haven’t received a massage here yet. And I also haven’t given a real massage yet. But several minutes after my last post, my manager was the at the printer and rubbing and rolling her shoulder. I asked if she was okay and she said ‘Yes. It just is hurt a little’ and I gave her the knowing smile. I asked if she needed a massage and she said ‘Yes. But I dont have time because I work here so much.’ It took her a moment to realize that I was a massage therapist and her eyes lit up in the way only excited Asians’ eyes can. It was classic. I told her to sit down for a minute and I worked her shoulder “chair massage” style. It seemed to work out pretty well. It was only a few minutes worth but it seemed to do the job.

She was called away by another teacher and rolled her shoulder a few times on the way out. She came running in about 2 minutes later exclaiming: “Shannon Teacher! Wow! You are miraculous! How did you know? My shoulder is very… ” then she ran to her computer to translate a word and returned with “congested! congestion? conjest?” LoL. I wouldn’t use congestion as a term for tight muscles but it worked out okay. For the next 20 minutes she would come back and say ‘Wow. Amazing.” or “Magic hands”

It seems the word will spread with the help of a manager. Now, people, don’t get me wrong. I did not do this to win points with my boss or get help later when I need it. She’s cool enough that’d she’d do that anyway. I offered her help because that’s the kind of person I am. I see a person in need and I offer my help. In this case, she took it and has no regrets.

She apparently has told the other “secret” manager (part owner of the school) of my abilities. I guess I can expect some clientele soon. 🙂

 

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